the office quotes

[Rafe Hollister]

I know this Russian web site where it only costs two cents to download songs....Except one thing. All the songs are in Russian.
--Dwight

[Rafe Hollister]

Why are all these people here? There's too many people on this earth. We need a new plague. Who are all these people?
--Dwight

[Rafe Hollister]

I come from a long line of fighters. My maternal grandfather was the toughest guy I ever knew. He fought in World War 2....Also, my father fought high blood pressure and obesity all his life. Different kind of fight. Still noble. Still brave.
--Dwight

[Rafe Hollister]

I'm a big believer in keeping employees happy. I believe there's two key parts to that: field trips and free snacks.
--Michael

[Rafe Hollister]

You have to be able to take a punch. Feel these abs. I had a six pack. But then I drank a few. Left me with a two pack.
--Michael

[Rafe Hollister]

I don't have a lot of experience with vampires, but I have hunted werewolves. I shot one once, but by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor's dog.
--Dwight

[Rafe Hollister]

Once, I brought in a duck. To prepare for lunch. And people got...upset. Apparently, they got attached to the duck and didn't want to see it killed.
--Dwight

[Rafe Hollister]

All I'm trying to do is throw an awesome party and entertain everybody all the time, as well as run this office, do all the paperwork I barely understand, worry about downsizing...that's like a hundred things I have to do. Maybe a thousand.
--Michael

[Rafe Hollister]

You might be surprised to learn that I have only been to one other wedding....My mom was marrying Jeff, and they asked me to be the ring-bearer, and I was understandably emotional...and somehow my pants became wet.
--Michael

[Rafe Hollister]

C'mon, Dwight. We went over this like half an hour....It's a dead animal in our office, you can't--I'm sorry. Clean it in your car.
--Toby

[Rafe Hollister]

We Shrutes use every part of the goose. The meat has a delicious smokey rich flavor. Plus, you can use the molten goose grease and save it in the refrigerator. Thus saving a trip to the store for a can of expensive goose grease!
--Dwight

[Rafe Hollister]

Last weekend I outran a black pepper snake....I am fast. To give you a reference point, I'm somewhere between a snake and a mongoose. And a panther.
--Dwight

[Rafe Hollister]

Reverse psychology is an awesome tool....Basically, you make someone think the opposite of what you believe, and that tricks them into doing something stupid. Works like a charm.
--Michael

[Rafe Hollister]

I picked Eminem because he's the one who said, "You don't have to be black to rap." Which is what I've been saying for years.
--Michael

[Rafe Hollister]

They say that your wedding day goes by in such a flash that you're lucky if you even get a piece of your own cake....I say that's crazy. I say: Let them eat cake! Margaret Thatcher said that. About marriage. Smart broad.
--Michael