Jokes for hunting170 etal.

Swamp_Fox · Post by **Swamp_Fox** » March 16th, 2008, 12:37 am

Q: What do you get when you cross-breed an elephant with a rhino?

A: Elephino.

Swamp_Fox · Post by **Swamp_Fox** » March 16th, 2008, 12:38 am

If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of bullets at an infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all the world's great literary works in Braille.

Swamp_Fox · Post by **Swamp_Fox** » March 16th, 2008, 12:39 am

Did you hear about the blonde who thought Jesus was a giant teddy bear called Gladly who had something wrong with his eyes, because everytime she went to church they would sing "Gladly the cross I'd bear"!!!

Swamp_Fox · Post by **Swamp_Fox** » March 16th, 2008, 12:40 am

If you spin a China-man in circles, does he become dis-oriented?

Swamp_Fox · Post by **Swamp_Fox** » March 16th, 2008, 12:41 am

This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas, but there are more Catholic churches there than casinos.
Not surprisingly, some worshippers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed. Since they get chips from so many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings.
The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan Monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in.
This is done by the chip monks.

Swamp_Fox · Post by **Swamp_Fox** » March 16th, 2008, 12:42 am

I went to the US Patent Office yesterday trying to register some of my inventions. I went to the main desk to sign in and the lady at the desk had a form that had to be filled out. She wrote down my personal info and then asked me what I had invented.

I said, "A folding bottle." She said, "Okay, what do you call it?" "

A Fottle", I replied.

"What else do you have?" " A folding carton." " And what do you call it?"

A Farton." I replied.

She snickered and said, "Those are silly names for products and one of them sounds kind of crude."

I was so upset by her comment that I grabbed the form and left the office without telling her about my folding bucket.

Swamp_Fox · Post by **Swamp_Fox** » March 16th, 2008, 12:43 am

A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves.
"What are you doing in there?" she asked.
The rabbit replied: "This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?".
The lady replied "Yes."
"Well," the rabbit said, "I'm westing."

Swamp_Fox · Post by **Swamp_Fox** » March 16th, 2008, 12:49 am

I was told that the toilet was stole at the local police station yesterday.

The police said they don't have anything to go on....

Swamp_Fox · Post by **Swamp_Fox** » March 19th, 2008, 12:18 am

"Well you see, Norm, it's like this . . . A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the heard is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

Swamp_Fox · Post by **Swamp_Fox** » March 25th, 2008, 1:07 pm

A man is showering up in a locker room with his buddy when he notices his friend is very well endowed.

"Damn Bob, you're hung!" Jim exclaims.

"I wasn't always this impressive, I had to work for it."

"What do you mean?" Jim asked.

"Well, every day for the past two years I've spent an hour each night rubbing it with butter. I know it sounds crazy but it actually made it grow 4 inches! You should try it." Jim agrees and the two say good bye.

A few months later the two are in the same locker room and Bob asks Jim how his situation was.

Jim replied, "I did what you said, Bob, but I've actually gotten smaller! I lost two inches already!"

"Did you do everything I told you? An hour each day with butter?"

"Well, I was out of butter, so I've been using Crisco."

"Crisco!!?" Bob exclaimed!! "Damn it, Jim, Crisco is shortening!"