A mother and her young son were riding in a taxi through the rougher part of town, when the little boy noticed several streetwalkers patrolling their beat and he asked who they were.
The mother explained, "Those are ladies whose husbands work on the docks, and they're waiting to walk their husbands home from work."
The cab-driver, who had been listening, looked back over his shoulder and guffawed, "Lady, those are just plain old hookers. Why don't you tell the kid the truth?"
Everything was quiet for a while, then the boy asked his mother, "Do hookers have little boys too?"
She answered sweetly, "Of couse they do, dear. That's where all the taxi drivers come from."
Childs Play
Childs Play
Carrying a gun isn't about killing.
It's about staying alive.
It's about staying alive.
Re: Childs Play
>
> LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE
> A congressman was seated next to a little girl on an airplane so he
> turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if
> you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
> The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the
> total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"
> "Oh, I don't know," said the congressman. "How about global warming,
> universal health care, or stimulus packages?" as he smiled smugly.
> "OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a
> question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff -
> grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat
> patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"
> The legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence,
> thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
>
> To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to
> discuss global warming, universal health care, or the economy, when you
> don't know shit?"
> And then she went back to reading her book.
> LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE
> A congressman was seated next to a little girl on an airplane so he
> turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if
> you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
> The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the
> total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"
> "Oh, I don't know," said the congressman. "How about global warming,
> universal health care, or stimulus packages?" as he smiled smugly.
> "OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a
> question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff -
> grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat
> patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"
> The legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence,
> thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
>
> To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to
> discuss global warming, universal health care, or the economy, when you
> don't know shit?"
> And then she went back to reading her book.
Re: Childs Play
HELL EXPLAINED
BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT
The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry mid-term, and an actual answer turned in by a student.
The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. There fore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct..... ...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+
BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT
The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry mid-term, and an actual answer turned in by a student.
The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. There fore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct..... ...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+